My life is not dumb enough!

It has been over a month since I last logged on to this site. I have gone through so many changes, mentally and emotionally in that time. I thought for a moment I would never even log on again. Today I feel like sharing a bit…and so I shall share.

I am changing…I have changed. I have been forced to change I guess. I woke up one morning and realized that I have lived for someone else my entire life (there have been different people at different times; not just one particular person). There is no me! If there is a me I don’t know who she is. I am not going on a quest to find myself…I don’t really think I want to be found. I do however, think that I want to dumb down my life. I want to dumb it down in all areas. From the prestigious schools my children attend, to the extravagance of this 5 bedroom 3300 sq ft home, to the hustle and bustle of getting my kids to and fro, to the constant running of my mind. I want solitude… I want peace.

It is frustrating because no matter where I go there is an inner drive inside of me that wants to strive for the best. I want that drive to turn off! I want it off until I decide to turn it on again. As of 3 days ago, I am now 34. What if I die tomorrow? Is this how I want my life to be remembered? That she was always busy…always doing….always…always…always. That is me the fixer! I don’t want to try and fix anything anymore! I honestly would love if someone tended to my needs just as much I as tend to theirs. But that quest is now over. I am hanging that up to dry…..

What’s next, you ask? I begin my search. I am searching for just the right amount of solitude for me and my babies. Just the right amount of frequency so I can tap in when I want to and turn off when I want to. I’ll share my journey…although I don’t know if it will be interesting. I am on a mission to dumb this life down. This is my heart…July 6-2013.

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One thought on “My life is not dumb enough!

  1. Mama Pam says:

    You’ve just described the life of a wife and mom, including the craving the peace and quiet! Make sure to set a firm bedtime for all kids so Mom and Dad can have some quiet, quality time together. And guess what, whatever you don’t get done will still be there tomorrow! Make memories with your kids; they don’t really care if the house is perfect. Love you, and hang in there.

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